This Is the First Step to Making Anyone Like You.
It’s the Seventh grade. You just transferred from a small private school with a maximum of 30 kids K-12. You worked in cubicles, doing your school work on computers. Now you’re in a public school with 394 kids in your grade and you don’t know anyone. You see some people that you knew from playing recreational baseball. They let you sit with them at lunch for a month then they decide you’re annoying so they ask you not to sit with them anymore. Now you sit all alone.
What do you do?
That’s a good question. You can do what I did and become bitter and resentful of the people that make fun of you, or you can do what I eventually did. You can become interested in other people.
Let me repeat that for the people in the back. YOU CAN BECOME INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE.
Flash forward to the summer just before my Freshman year of Highschool. I have few friends and my grandpa has recently passed. I’m learning magic from a youtube magician. He says I can get 15% off an Audible subscription and he recommends a book called How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. I can’t afford Audible so I found a way to get this book. I’m 6 hours into a 16 hour car ride to Florida and I can’t put this book down.
I had no clue how poorly I was presenting myself to others. I had no clue how much I was missing in conversations and I was oblivious to how much benefit there was in taking interest in other people.
I know what you’re thinking…
How do you do it? How do you become interested in others? First, decide that helping others will ultimately help you. Then learn to SHUT UP! Ask the other person questions and actively listen to what they say.
We all have this deep need to be understood by others and it has been my experience that people do not listen, they just wait their turn to speak. Have you ever felt that in a conversation? It is absolutely terrible.
The next time you talk to someone ask them questions about themselves and do nothing other than listen to the words coming out of their mouth. Then ask another question along the lines of what they were talking about.
Automatically people will like being around you. It worked wonders for me in Highschool and has paid dividends ever since then. The funny thing is, you will eventually get to a point where you will really enjoy listening to people’s stories.
Is that all?….
No, not at all. We won’t have time to cover every single thing in this one blog post. However, this is a huge concept you must master now.
You must master the art of smiling. Really, Ben, you want me to learn how to smile? Yes, I do because odds are you forget to smile at people quite frequently.
How do I smile more effectively? I’m glad you asked. Most people, when they start to smile more, they try to paint a smile on their face and let me tell you, it looks psychopathic.
Look in the mirror and smile until it feels sincere. How can we do that? make sure your eyes squint a little when you smile. I call this phenomenon “Smiling Eyes.” Its what really sells a smile.
- Develop a genuine interest in people.
- Ask people more questions about them then you share about yourself.
- Try to ask at least twice as many questions as you answer about yourself.
- Create a convincing and sincere smile.
- Do this by making your eyes smile as well.
- Remember to smile at people it makes them feel comfortable.
I can tell you first hand. These basic concepts changed my life and have given me fantastic friends and not to mention they help immensely in business as much as they do in life.
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P.S. Do these pieces of advice every day to everyone to get good practice.
Until next time friends,